Philadelphia Sports Fan

In Oregon, and on the West Coast in general, sports are viewed as a intriguing form of entertainment. With a variety of outdoor activities to participate in, professional sports are second fiddle. However, this sentiment is not shared by our East Coast counterparts. Back East, sport is a way of life. The lifestyle of the East Coast sports fan parallels that of the religious fanatic. Nowhere is this truer than the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia. For the typical Philadelphian, every game day is judgment day. Every win, an orgasmic high, every loss is a crippling blow. From preseason to regular season to the playoffs, the intensity level of the city itself builds to almost unimaginable levels. Even on an occasion like Halloween, a Philadelphian can never fully disguise their true face which is colored with years of premature hopes followed by inexpressibly devastating disappointments.

[WARNING: This interview include excessive profanity, which is entirely normal for the Philadelphian sports fan, but may not be suitable for young children, conservative religious types or respected elders. Please proceed with caution]

TIME: 1:01
DATE: Oct 28, 2007
LOCATION: Southeast Portland Oregon

THR3: What about the cats from Cleveland?

PSF: Fuck Cleveland. Seriously, if you are from Philly all you have is sports…That is ALL you fucking have. The city is so shitty, it sucks. And like, all we have is our sports, and you live and fucking die by that. And we have not won a championship in any major sport for 25 fucking years.

THR3: Yeah, but Cleveland’s drought has been longer.

PSF: But Cleveland is like a fucking third the size of Philly. Look, I don’t doubt that Cleveland fans have heart, but in Philly sports are so ingrained that it is life, it is who you are.

AC SLATER: Cleveland is wack.

PSF: Fucking Philly lives, everyday, the Rocky mentality. It is the Rocky mentality. When they release a new fucking Rocky film, the city has week long celebrations about that shit. Like, Rocky, fuck yeah. Just like Rocky, we will lose every fucking time, but we will never, ever fucking give up...ever! That is the Philly mentality. There is shit to do in Philly, but sports.

THR3: What about when Allen Iverson led the Sixers to the championship series.

PSF: Fuck that. One, we didn’t win. Two, when AI turned into a fucking jackass, we were like “get him the FUCKING hell outta here.” We don’t give a shit about AI. He is a jackass. Philly doesn’t care about our athlete’s talent, we care about the character of who they are.

THR3: What about Terrell Owens then?

PSF: Oh, DOUBLE FUCK T.O.! You don’t fucking disrespect Philly like that.

THR3: He did play in the superbowl game injured though, that has to show you some heart.

PSF: That shit was nothing special. It’s fucking Philly, that shit is expected.